Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Write for the HUMOR Genre (10/09/14)
- TITLE: Signs of Confusion
By Gerald Shuler
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You know what signs I'm talking about. Like the one that says “DIP AHEAD.” Come on... get real. Dip a head? What kind of head are we dipping? Cabbage? Lettuce? And dip it in what? Salad dressing? It doesn't even have anything to do with driving a car. By the way, it is strange how many times I have hit a bad spot in the street shortly after seeing the DIP AHEAD sign. They should have given some kind of warning about that instead of getting me hungry for a salad.
Another sign that perplexes me is the one that says “STOP.” Who thought up that concept? I've had to force myself to ignore that street sign completely. After all, if I obeyed stop signs to the fullest I would never get anywhere at all. The sign says STOP so I stop. I could wait forever and it would never tell me when it is time to GO. It's almost as though the government is trying to give me a taste of what eternity is like. Eternal STOP with no GO. Fortunately, governments have realized the error of that particular sign. Since there is no eternal STOP with no GO, streetlights were invented that change from red to green to at least give me a clue as to when I can stop stopping and start going with a clear conscience. Even so, the government must have some sort of plot in mind because, as much sense as streetlights make, they are only used in higher traffic areas. Anyway, thank you, whoever invented streetlights. It has given me hope for the future.
And what about that evil DEAD END sign? Who in their right mind would want to learn where the dead end is? Point me to the LIVE END... that's the way I want to go.
Hey, I just realized what the government is really up to with all those confusing street signs. It's like back in the '70's and '80's when subliminal messages where common. We were subjected to everything from hidden rock music messages to subliminal suggestions at the movie theater to go buy popcorn. What an insight! I know now what those signs really are. With the peer pressure polititians are under to maintain “separation of church and state” it makes sense that Christian polititians would find a way to preach what they believe anyway. So they conceived a way to brilliantly preach the gospel with street signs. Here's the message:
DIP AHEAD: Has nothing to do with salads. The head that the government is talking about is my own... bow my head in prayer. I fully understand that sign now so I willingly dip my head in prayer.
STOP: Repent. Stop doing the evil things you have been doing. Turn your life around until you don't even see the stop sign and THEN you will be able to go the way of the Lord. But until you repent all you will be able to see is the sign warning you to STOP.
DEAD END: What better way for the government to remind us that life without Jesus is futile? If we heed the warning sign then we can and will find the live end... in Jesus Christ.
I don't know why I've never seen the logic in these street signs before. All these years of being a frustrated driver and finally it all makes sense. Every sign on every street is really a subliminal suggestion from our loving government that we need Jesus. And we thought polititians were corrupt...
It just goes to show how easily we can misunderstand our leaders. To show my appreciation for their concern I am going to start obeying all the street signs I see from now on. Not only will I stop, pray and repent... I will YIELD to the Lord, BUCKLE UP with spiritual armor, realize that there is always WORK AHEAD, and be careful not to go the WRONG WAY.
Thank you, Government officials. Your God-inspired subliminal suggestions to accept Jesus is exactly what this nation has desperately needed.
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