The Official Writing Challenge
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Beautiful tender story that described the MC's internal torment very well.

Loved the wrap up.

God bless~
Gripping. Heart-stopping. Emotionally riveting. These are just a few of the words that came to mind as I read your piece. You've done a brilliant job of describing the inner turmoil of your MC. The beautiful intervention of the words of Jesus serve to give hope, not just to your MC, but to everyone who suffers as your MC does. Excellent work!
Amazing writing, as always. :)

The phrase 'wherever my grief lives' makes it sound like a physical enemy that could be evicted. Hmmm...

The story made me think of the song 'Hold On.'

You can hold on to sorrow,
You can hold on to pain,
You can hold on to anger,
But there's nothing to be gained.

You can hold to a thread at the end of a rope,
But if you're holding on to Jesus, you're holding on to hope.
No one can understand the grief another goes though, except God. If we let go, He heals. You have done a great job describing that grief and God's answer to it.

Thanks for sharing! Blessings, LaVonne
Wow. This reminds me of a few conversations that I have experienced with God. Very touching.
This is beautifully written, and it whirls from one thing to the next, much like would happen in grief.

The timing of your story is so amazing to me. It's been here all week and I only just read it today - the day I found out that the father of one of the youth at our church is expected to pass this week. Maybe God led you to write this so I could read it and not be blind to what his daughter might be going through.

Thanks for sharing this.
You did a wonderful job portraying your MC's struggle.
Superb ending!
An excellent exposë of what happens in the process of grief; which can go on in life for years.

My only red ink is to comment on the second sentence; which, for me, was too complex to be a good hook. I felt the hook could have been much stronger if this sentence was broken up a little and made sharper.

I loved the dialog with Jesus. It seemed authentic to me; I guess because I often talk to Him in just this way.


I thought this was beautifully written. I have lost both Mom and Dad and miss them terribly. Grief can linger on underneath the surface.
God is always there for us no matter what the problem. We have to choose Him over all else.
Articulate, moving, an amazing correlative to the different ages in her life. The cutting illustration was very real. You are an amazing author.