The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/18/14
I'm so sorry that no one else has yet taken the time to comment on your entry.

You have the content here for a really great story and I enjoyed reading it.

I think this account would really come to life and shine brighter if you were to do more showing and a little less telling of the story. For example: I'd shorten it, leaving room to describe surroundings, sights, sounds, smells, facial expressions, feelings and body postures, etc.

Hope that helps in some way. You have a great talent. All the best in your future writing!
08/18/14
I like the way you draw the reader into a "love triangle" of - Man, Woman, and God. Yes - you did do a lot of telling, but what hooked me was the intrigue of being introduced to the girl in the title - and how God was the satisfying surprise at the end.
08/20/14
Nicely done!

Great job with this entry. Super approach to the topic.

God bless~
I really like this. The split of the individual stories and the coming together of the third makes compelling reading. Beautifully written.Well deserving of the EC. Many congrats.
08/21/14
Congrats!

God bless~