Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: At Wit’s End (02/13/14)
TITLE: LIVING DEAD IN THREE ACTS
By Terry R A Eissfeldt
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
iâ€™m done, done like dinner
done like butter under summer sun
like dust â€¦ so much ash â€¦ and dust
you didnâ€™t come through for me
you didnâ€™t come through for my son
you didnâ€™t come through because
you are an angry â€¦ demanding â€¦ never satisfied
i did what was right
i kept myself pure
i set myself apart for you
i taught my children the same
all I asked was one little thing
i thought you were
the king of kings?
surely you could have come through
if you wanted to
if you were able
such a thin knife-edge iâ€™ve walked
i never realized i was keeping score
but i was â€¦ are you?
because all my sacrifice â€¦ obedience â€¦ devotion
for all these live long years
should have added up to enough
for you to come through
just this once
i hate you
yes, actually i do
i hate you
so now Iâ€™m done
itâ€™s so still here
iâ€™m encased â€¦ enclosed â€¦ encircled
all striving has ceased
when did i figure i had any control?
i never had control
why did i think anything mattered?
nothing matters but this quiet â€¦ this rest â€¦ this calm
breathe, breath deeply
sleep, sleep peacefully
rest, rest your head on my shoulder
hello? whoâ€™s there?
am i not alone here at the end of myself?
at the end of my reason?
no my child
Iâ€™ve always been here
do i know you?
have we met?
i want to know you
if you share this place with me
i want to know you
who are you?
The sun is rising.
I feel its warmth on my skin.
Particles of light are â€¦ infiltrating â€¦ infusing â€¦ infecting life
deep into the centre of my being.
Where despair â€¦ disillusionment â€¦ and â€¦ death recently reigned,
tendrils of life, ethereal â€¦ elegant â€¦ and â€¦unearthly,
Gradually I open my eyes.
Heavenly light penetrates my soul.
There is no darkness now. No distress.
The peace obtained in the deep attends me.
Breathing deeply â€¦ evenly â€¦ gratefully, I rise.
Iâ€™m alive yet dead.
Iâ€™m dead to my opinion â€¦ to my ideas â€¦ to my ways â€¦
Iâ€™m alive to trust â€¦ to peace â€¦ to rest â€¦ in Him.
He is good.
Trying to earn His favour is futile.
Chasing the wind.
Running till there is no more.
To the end of reason itself.
It wasnâ€™t my circumstance that needed to change.
It was my opinion of what I deserved based on how I lived.
It was my idea that I had a right to demand of God.
It was my way of justifying my demands.
But no more.
Under no circumstance will I worship that false god.
In the quiet I hear His voice.
In the stillness I see His face.
In death I am raised in Him.
I know my God.
Therefore Iâ€™m done.
Past the end of myself.
Past the end of my reason.
Thanks be to God!
Now I am fully alive in Him.
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