The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I loved the inside look into the girls' hearts and the change that came into Shay's. There were several spots with telling instead of showing, but I know you have a word constraint. Good job.
You have captured a great picture of responses to Jesus, and shown that it is the attitude of the heart that matters. We recognize our true blessedness when we are open to Him. Good job.
This is a terrific example of the modern-day Pharisee and sinner story in the Bible. I loved it.
Very good story. I enjoyed it a lot. I liked how you showed what each girl was thinking and how Shay was blessed in the end.

God Bless,
What a lovely sweet, cute story--I loved it! Thank you!

Colin (Gold Member)
Very well-drawn characters in this piece, which comes across with warmth and credibility.
What a heart tugging, beautiful story. I can identify on some levels with Shay in my grade school years. I was never hungry but I did feel scared and alone. Bless you for writing this stirring piece. There are so many girls and boys out there right now like Shay, and this morning I pray for them.

God Bless ,lynn
This beautiful story is a wonderful modernization of the Pharisee's prayer.
A well written story of transformation through revelation. I liked the honesty of the letters - especially the first ones. How else can God know where we are until we admit it ourselves and let the Genesis begin. Great job!
This is good. I like the contrast you painted between the two girls. I just wish they had BOTH learned the lessons.
Clever and creative take on the "Thank God I am not like that man" Pharisee story. Well crafted but you repeated the word passed in the second paragraph (I think). Phooey :-(
Great treatment of an old truth. I can really identify with Shay... My stepfather was a kind and generous man, and a hard worker, but in the eyes of the middle class children in my school, he was "the town garbageman and a drunk". I love reading stories like this!