Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Touch (the sense of touch) (08/05/10)
- TITLE: Seeking That Spark
By Donna Powers
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
But my feelings have.
The same person whose touch I sought and craved is now the one whose touch I avoid. We’ve been married ten years and although I still respect and admire him, I’m no longer in love with him. The changes in our lives over these ten years have eroded my feelings of all desire and romantic love. So, when his fingers brush gently against my skin, it’s as I’ve been assaulted by an unwanted predator. I jump back; startled. I give an excuse about being too wrapped up in the book I’m reading. Because he trusts me and sees nothing but the love he thinks I still feel; he believes me.
When we first met, his touch gave me such a thrill. His touch connected me to his inner core; the goodness and sincerity that make him the man I so admire. Whenever I saw him, then, I ran joyously into his arms and reveled in his warm, comforting embrace. When we married, his intimate touch was so precious and special. Back then, I couldn’t imagine ever not wanting that special touch; the one he kept only for me.
Yet, my feelings now are real. These years have changed both of us: inside and out. But it’s not his appearance that repels me. And nothing in his personality has changed so drastically. It’s just that I’ve fallen out of love.
But, I made a vow; a promise to him and to God. I can’t abandon him just because I’ve changed my mind and my feelings – especially because I don’t know why I feel so differently. There’s no one else. But those positive feelings that used to be ignited by the brush of his fingertips don’t happen for me, any more.
I’m too young to be done with love forever. And he’s a good man; there’s nothing that he did or said or has become that can account for my change of heart. I want to fall in love again –with my own husband. I want to seek the touch of his hands.
Those hands of his: their touch has been nurturing, as they held our children - and skillful, as they fixed our plumbing. Their touch turns warm when they rub my tired muscles at night and cool when touching one of the kids’ fevered brows. Those hands have firmly clasped mine, in prayer, so many times; as we join together at the Throne of Grace. He’s heartily patted the backs of souls needing encouragement. His fingers dance over the keys of his computer. And his hands have been clenched, in pain, when his tired body has been working, too hard.
His hands are the hands of an honorable man. They are the hands of the man I love.
So, God, today, I pray: please change my heart and my mind. Let me receive his touch with joy, again; as I did, at the start of our marriage. Help me see my husband through Your eyes. Heal my selfishness and stubborn heart. Rekindle my heart’s desire and let me renew my feelings of love. Let me do more than “go through the motions” of our marriage.
So, that; the next time he touches me, it once again sends off sparks of joy.
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