The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1425 times
Member Comments
Great story... dialogue was very realistic... never had to deal with lice and hope I never do! Yuck.. creepy crawlies.
Ooohh, this makes me shudder to think of lice. Lol. Glad that they were able to finally come together though-and to quit the name calling and everything. I love the realistic dialouge and efforts such as "br-children" to change brats to children, well that shows great character-good job! ^_^
Your story is very good and descriptive. I had to scratch my head a time or two. :) I love the lesson in this. It would also be perfect reading for a 'tweenager. Wonderful writing!
This is a wonderful story--the dialogue true-to-life, and the lesson presented excellently. The ending is very clever--just my kind of pun.
Cute story and play on words. I didn't know that mayonnaise worked on licethat one I'll tuck away in case I ever need it. Nice work.
This is so delightful! Some years ago, I went through a similar experience with my three girls - only I didn't know about the mayonaise. Thanks for sharing.
I'm still scratching my head -- argh! Been thru lice before, a fact of life when our kids are around other kids -- it happens. (Is that what the Bible means by, "in the world but not of it"? LOL! Now that that is said: I LOVE THIS! Wow! I got goosebumps reading about lice. How funny. Truly great writing, Laura;)
I KNEW, one day, you'd write a story with this "theme" - I'm impressed it didn't take you long to get there. :) This is a great piece with a first-class message. Enjoyed it! Perfect title too, of course.
Ewww...lice. You made it all very realistic. Good message in an entertaining package.
I wondered where your title would take us. (very creative!) I like the gentle, non-preachy message presented in this story. Nice job.
Perfect title! Great job with the story and the love lesson wrapped within.

You brought back every fear that those little bugs can put into me! My kids are 17 and older now, but when they were younger, like Kylie, Mark, and Liz, they had a bout with lice. We didn't use mayonaise, but olive oil, followed by a vinegar rinse to make the nits slide from the hair. It took probably three rounds to get it out of their hair. They'd gotten it at a birthday party and had it for quite a bit before we discovered it. What a nightmare! Gave it to me too! Cheri
You are just too cute! Only you could take a subject like lice and make it funny! When I was teaching grade school, you can't imagine how awful it was when 27 little first graders got lice from each other. The worst nightmare! And your darling story about cousins isn't where I expected it would go, but you love to put a twist on your entry just to keep us guessing and grinning! Kudos, my friend!
I like your title. Good use of dialogue. It sounds like a bunch of kids!
The last line is perfect.
Good job!
Your title made me wonder where it was going. The more I read, the more I itched to see the final outcome. Excellent use of dialogue in an all too common situation of kids against kid. When you get down to the nitty-gritty, you sure know how to tell a story girl. Well done!
Oh my-the dreaded lice attack. Most kids go through it and what a torture for moms! Enjoyed the characters and the gentle message in this, Laura.
This reminded me of my younger cousin Elisha. She was always such a brat, but finally we started to get along as the years went by.

My head started itching as I read the part about the lice. Talk about immersing the reader in the story! You managed to do it to me. :)
Excellent, Laura! And very squirmy. I've been there, done's no fun. What I liked best is that your children acted and spoke like real children. Very well done!
I'm pleased and impressed that the bratty cousins recognized and received and then returned the love the didn't deserve. WELL DONE!
My first thought was that the title was perhaps inappropriate, until I read the story and saw the irony in it! The title is perfect. Loved the Bible verse tie in at the end, it is so hard to love those who treat you badly, especially for kids. The story also brought back memories of my daughter catching those horrid little creepies, and the frenzy of activity to get rid of them. Great to see the cousins learn from the experience.
Laura I really liked how you told this story. I remember all too well when my precious little boys came home from school with these awful critters. Ewwwwwwwwww, it right, and they both got shaved heads. Great writing!
Great dialogue and descriptions! The writing is very realistic. Excellent!
Great story and message! I really enjoyed the dialogue with the cousins :).
Most excellent!
Twice the lice makes 'em twice as nice! Amazing how the Lord works, and humbles even BIGGEST BRATS among us.
Love the ending--it brought tears.