The Official Writing Challenge
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Okay, I guess no one else is brave enough to ask. This is very nice writing but where is the father in it? I kept expecting him to be right there to grab hold but he was never mentioned. This was excellent writing, though, just not sure if it was on topic. Maybe I missed something. That is entirely possible. I really hope I am.
I read this and wondered maybe who the Does he know? question is about. I like your style of writing and am used to thinking and reading, I just felt like maybe a paragraph is missing for telling part. I still want more though.
Ok, this is a total guess, but is this about a dad who teaches his son to swim?!(from the son's POV?) The writing is good...I just wasn't sure what or whom you were referring to in the title.
Ah...I just read your hint, Sally. Creative way to write-I think I got it, in part anyway!
Explaining it now... It's an analogy. The rock represents the father, and the ocean represents the boy's future--he's stepping out into the big world.
Does he know I'm drowning out here? Does he care?
I think I would call it an extended metaphor, and I like it.
I love the image of the "wrinkled rock."
Thanks for the reminder that the ocean can be as scary for our kids as it is for us ol' wrinkled rocks.
I like it, Sally. I think if I'd taken the time to think about it more, I'd have gotten the whole picture. (: I like it because it doesn't come right out and scream the topic; very subtle. Your explanation comment shows me that I only got a portion of your picture the first time around, though. (Hee-hee.) You took a chance and it WASN'T a complete failure; it has a brilliant concept about it.
So nice! Wow-I feel happy here, I didn't have to look at the explanation, but when I did, I was right! Teehee. I liked this, the descriptions and the way you arranged the words. Very nice.
Amazing! Your writing is so smooth... I love this, "through the watery ceiling above him. His mouth opened to imbibe the salty air in triumph." I love your creativity with this.