The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1100 times
Member Comments
The ultimate deception. You've got the makings of great here.
Very, very vivid descriptions - very evocative writing.
Oh my, how sad. I could see this very clearly in my mind. Very good writing.
Wow. What a vivid portrayal of this girl's sad life. Good writing and good descriptions.
Wow. What a vivid portrayal of this girl's sad life. Good writing and good descriptions.
You certainly grab the reader's attention, and I learned a new word, detritus.
I don't always use happy endings, but this was really heavy. I would much rather have seen her dash to the safety of the convenience store, call the police, and get that ticket the next day. But that's just me.
I really like the structure of this, with the several vignettes and flashbacks. And the trickle of blood and the rain at the end--superb imagery.

Did you notice that in the 2nd vignette, you switched her name once? Something to fix if you send this on anyplace...

The suspense and climax are masterfully written...great job all around.
Very interesting...and so very sad. I think you nailed the topic, but you also hooked the reader here. Nice work.
Wow. This definitely is an attention-grabber. Written very well, and a great illustration of the topic.
This is a well written story of extraordinary sadness on the topic.
My only wish is that it had turned out better for her, but real life does not always have plesant endings. Great job of realism and the way you showed the flashbacks was very creative.
Very moving!!!!! Writen with such soul and heart. I like very, extra much. God bless.
You sure 'showed' us the topic - in fact - we lived it too! Great writing Cori ... poor 'Amber-Tiffany.' ;-) (tehe)
Wow! How gripping is this?? This story pulls you right in. Very effective writing, I'm a fan!!