The Official Writing Challenge
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This is a creative page of history, the vocabulary just right, and the message one of grace and hope.
Forsooth, it's been a while since I've read any old English, but it was indeed a fascinating journey into the past. Nice work (and I'll bet lots of work to get all that vocabulary right!).
This is something I wasn't familiar with, so I appreciate the footnote. I had a bit of trouble with the dialogue, but that's my problem. We don't talk like that in Texas. ;0)
I think this piece is well written.
This is very well written. I'm a Texan like Betty and has to read slowly to make sure I understood. Perhaps an introduction to set up the story would have been helpful. I really wanted to know more, read more, understand more because it was so interesting. Great job.
Also some trouble following this one (my fault, not yours!), but was absolutely fascinated! Excellent.
Wonderful use of Old English. I loved the last line too, about how bitterness hurts us more than anyone else. Well done.
Loved this! You transported this reader right back into the days of yore in the land of 'THE Bard'! The historical footnote was helpful to me too. And yes, the last line is perfect! Well done!
I enjoyed this, David. God is to be found in every place, huh. And in every point of history. Just two things to consider. I. You had your MC sleeping in one para, straining at his chains in the next. Would like to see you work on that transition. 2. POV shift in the last paragraph. The dialogue read well in a short story. Would be over the top in a longer piece, though, slowing the story down too much. See the edition of Writers Digest, at present in our newsagents, for a treatice on writing dialogue.
Errr... read penultimate paragraph. :-)
Heehee...this is so real I have to take a moment after reading this. The dialouge, the characters, so well written! Good job. ^_^
David, what I loved here was the contrast of good and evil, and yet developing the character of Cobham as a person who struggles between flesh and spirit. How on earth do you do that dialogue so easily? What a gift you have. Texans talk slower, so we read slower, and I had to also, but just think you are a brilliant writer at home in Masters now! You belong there David.
I reread your piece and personally I did not and do now see a problem with POV. That did not stump me a bit. Your gift of using dialogue is a rare gift that not all good writers have. I noticed that when I first started reading your work. It takes us back to another time, and the setting just falls into place just because the dialogue sets it. I did read that staying with same POV is usually recommended, but I think it works well with this piece. BRAVO... Ya'll!! From Texas to Australia.... Dianne
I love the dialogue here and the way you use the 'goody' and the 'baddy' as effective foils. The olde english is a delight to read and seems to me to flow naturally. My concern over the story is that you have made it all but impossible to understand why Lord Cobham (John Oldcastle) has been imprisoned and whether his actions were justified or not. The Lollards are all but forgotten as a pre-Reformation protest movement, much as would be the case for the Waldensians or the Hussites. I suspect that your story would have had more of an impact had you used Lawrence to explain some of the concerns of the Lollards so as to gain the sympathy of the reader.