The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 1584 times
Member Comments
This is delightful! Fainting couch, no less and I love the very clever ending, though I'd love to know what happened during the tea. Well done.
Captivating short story. I can 'hear' Teensy's accent and I love that in a story. And you did a great job 'hiding' that critter at the end of the story.
He he, Of course I adore this entry. The ending is perfection - a piece of cheese please. I have read quite a few entries so far and it was nice to have a more light-hearted one as a change of pace. I love it!
Love the dialogue and Teensy's accent. What a clever way to end it with the mouse/cheese correlation!
A fresh, delightful read. This sounds just like a young boy from this era. LOL! And a fainting couch--her corset must have been too tight. LOL! I really enjoyed reading this.
Absolutely delightful. You set the scene beautifully, and your ending is absolutely perfect.
Very cute! The characters were very different and entertaining. Love the little boy's plan to feed the mouse. :) My little boy would do that.
I really liked this one. Great ending! & yes, light-hearted is a welcome change of pace from the others I've read so far.
Oh I like that kid! Great story.
You captured not only the moment and the dialect differences, but the 'feel' as well. Teensy is a hoot and she's just right. I loved the ending...does the mouse appear at the tea? :-)
Between Teensy's voice, and Mikey's childish adventurous spirit, you made this a fun, engaging piece from start to finish. In the midst of many heavier slices of history, this was refreshing.
Hmmmm,me thinks that mouse just might be attending the tea! Delightful, and sooo well written, you didn't miss a beat...fainting couch, bicycle-built-for-two. Thanks for a great read!
I love all the little historical details sprinkled throughout, and the glimpse of the mouse at the end was delightful!
Nobody does this better, Betty. Extremely cleaver, cute and very well written. Beyond kool:)
God bless.
Great ending & writing, as well, as throughout the story!
I'm sorry to use the word "clever" like so many others have done, but "clever" really is the most descriptive word I can think of. It's a fun read and it made me feel good all over. Thanks!
The fainting couch is just priceless but the title, the dialect and great ending just make this a really fun story!
very clever and well written story. Great job.
I'd say it could amount to more than a distraction - the mouse that is. Oh and a very good job of keeping all the voices separate along with all the slang and the accents. You did well to give the feel of the era(CIRCA) with the tiffamy lamp and all.
Yes the mouse may be tiny, but he also may become a Mighty distraction.
Quite the period piece I must say. I'm ready for chapter two and I brought along a couple mouse traps for your use in telling the next part.
This is excellent and amusing! Loved the dialog and the ending. Very good. Thanks for sharing it
Having raised two sons I can sure relate to this mischeivious little rascal. Great story!
LOL! What fun! You must have had a blast reading this! I love the bit with the 'fainting couch' and the last line with wanting a piece of cheese. Wonderfully written! ^_^
Cute story. We really need to know what happened next.
Betty, Your story was a delight. You handled a good dose of history with some humor. Congratulations!