Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Sport or Fitness (02/15/07)
TITLE: The Road to Hell...
By Helen Paynter
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My New Year’s Resolution – sport!
I thought of every game,
Aspired to sporting excellence
And glory for my name,
Determined that I would succeed
To general acclaim;
But wondered which would aptly suit
My rather chubby frame.
Without delay I bought a bike,
(I am a real go-getter)
But on Day Three it poured with rain
And I was never wetter;
I straight away decided - maybe
Soccer would be better,
And only then did I receive
The envied yellow sweater.
Since soccer is a noble sport
I did not feel regret,
But willingly ran round the pitch
And worked up quite a sweat;
But goal-less, disillusioned, I
To shot-put did defect -
And then with sweet precision
Put the shot into the net.
The aim of shot-put - so I’ve heard
The cognoscenti say:
Project the blessed implement
A hundred miles away.
I gasped and heaved to no avail
The best part of one day;
But once I took up golf, I found
The ball did go astray.
The point of golf, I understand,
From hole one through eighteen -
To get the ball into the hole
With strokes both few and clean.
But after losing fifty balls
I had to quit the scene;
And switched to snooker where at least
The ball starts on the green.
But snooker’s stubborn slippery balls
Have really got me beat.
I’ve tried it all – I’m done in now,
Conceding my defeat.
I’m not cut out for fitness,
I never can compete;
I’ll hobble past my rusting bike
And rest my Athlete’s feet.
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