Previous Challenge Entry (Level 4 – Masters)
Topic: Pastor (11/30/06)
TITLE: The Perfect Pastor
By Venice Kichura
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A pastor’s treated well.
His members bring him soup and pie
And pay for his motel.
Some say his hours are ideal---
He works one day a week,
His workday ends by Sunday noon
And all he does is speak.
Yet we all know he works nonstop
To care and tend his flock.
There’s not a day he’s not on call;
He labors ‘round the clock.
But very few can fit the bill
To fill his holy shoes
For he must have the qualities---
Not anyone you choose.
His speech must be impeccable,
Must have a PhD,
And careful not try to “rock the boat”,
Or fuss or disagree.
Can’t be too young or not that old;
His health must be top-rate
And speak at least five languages,
To everyone relate.
A man of God he cannot sin
Or make just one mistake,
Or dance or sip a glass of wine;
In fun he can’t partake.
Must have a passion for the young
Yet be there for the old,
Must be on call for everyone;
All needs he must uphold.
Must preach with all the zeal of Paul,
His sermons rich, but brief
And gentle when he steps on toes,
Yet challenge false belief.
He knows just how to tell a joke;
His sermons never bore.
He chats and vows to visit all
Who greet him at the door.
He knows to scrimp, to stretch a dime,
Does not ask for a raise,
Yet always looks his Sunday best
For eyes upon him gaze.
Must always be available,
Found in his office chair,
Yet weekly visit scores of folks
Who need a hug and prayer.
And when he prays the heavens move---
He’s always on his knees.
Yet never leaves his cell phone off,
For all he has to please.
He cannot doubt or be depressed,
Must always sport a smile.
When those in need knock on his door
He walks the second mile.
His offspring must be model kids
Who always tow the line,
Should never cause their parents grief
And in their studies shine.
His wife must be that saintly gal
Of Proverbs 31,
Who juggles several balls at once
And modest as a nun.
Where do you find this godly man
Who passes every test?
Good luck for you will always be
Forever on a quest.
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