The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 2157 times
Member Comments
You did a SUPERB job of characterization on Hassan. He was so, so real to me, and human. I also love getting a completely new perspective on the maji - a story I certainly know, but had never given much thought to.
Beautiful fragrant piece - I can't find a better word for it. I experienced the warm desert journey with Hassan - you painted it in 5 senses. Beautiful, powerful, evocative piece. And I know who you are!
The ending kind of rushed at me, but this is a wonderful piece of work. I absolutely loved this beautiful bit of prose: "Such follies are pastimes for men who blow their noses in silk. " Great!
Master writing at its best. The introduction to this story is superb, and the story is very well crafted. “And I will find a way to be free one day.” I loved the ending, concluding as strongly as it began.
If only for more of a word count! I wanted this story to continue! To address his response to the Christ Child and the stolen gold in his pocket! What a scene!

Ah well, we can only imagine along with such a fine wonderful story as this.

Loved it!
There were a lot of good parts to this, but some of my favorites were when the master touched his sleeve where the gold was hidden and the line: "Covered as I was in a blanket of longing". I really liked the picture that created. Great job with creating an interesting and vivid entry. :)
Bravo! Bravo! More! More! A super entry. At my request, Helen always reads your entry aloud to me whenever she finds it - then when I finally get round to reading and commentating on it later in the week it is like coming home to an old friend. Super! I loved it. And Christmas-y too!
LOL - I kept looking for a real dung beetle! Terrific story. A little typo here: "One we have crossed" - should read 'once'. I liked the silk hanky too! ;)
"A dung beetle may choose to alight on a flower, but no one will think it a butterfly."

I love that line! I thought the whole story was wonderful.
What a masterful piece of writing! Beautiful. Wonderful. Thank you. Blessings, Cheri
Wow! This is absolutely amazing. I love this unique perspective. What an incredible story. My favorite so far. Thanks so much for sharing this.
I can see why you are in the Masters level. wow...that was amazing. I enjoyed the story.
This is excellent! I can only hope that I'll write like you when I grow up!
Wow, this was awesome. I felt the second-to-last line was lacking something, but can't say what. Otherwise powerful story!
Well, let me be the 17th commenter to step out on a limb (lol) and say this is excellent. As always, inspiring, Jan. God bless.
Oh yes. I loved the opening paragraph. Very well done.
God bless again.
wow! This was great reading. quite a different look on this topic. Good job!
This is a masterpiece. I love everything about it. Particularly the line about Sanjar touching the sleeve where the slave had hidden his less dung beetle...and then the perfect question to end on: Has the kingdom of mercy already arrived in my master's heart. I could see everything, feel everything.
Jan, you are a pro!
What a beautifully written story - so real, so powerful. I was captivated. And LOVED the ending.