The Official Writing Challenge
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This seems like a mere excerpt of a book. The imagery is powerful -- I felt the boy's broken heart and desperate need for his father's approval. I want to know more ... what about John? How did he die? What's the mystery? Oh my! I love this because it makes me wants more! Great story! I absolutely love it! :)
Great descriptional writing. I was left a little disappointed in the end only because of just that. It ended! It did seem a little abrupt but what can you do with only 750 words? LOL. Overall, a strong piece of story-telling. Well done!
Oh, excellent! You had me wringing my hands in despair for Jeremy. Love the story, love the ending.
So Jeremy's dad drank too much...killed his brother in a hunting accident...and proceeded to run away from everything he cared about...until this moment in the frozen night!!! This is great, to be let in on the turning point moment. I ached for Jeremy as the story developed and yet at the end felt assured better times were ahead. So.... good conflict and good resolution. You left me feeling hopeful. :-)
So very engaging!! I also want to hear the rest of the story!