Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: AGREE TO DISAGREE (05/04/17)
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TITLE: Fighting Sylvia | Previous Challenge Entry
By Tonya Stevenson
05/11/17 -
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Sylvia and I grew up together. I understood the horrors of abuse and abandonment called her childhood. As a young woman Sylvia’s came to know the Christ. It changed her life. She was called a “fanatic” for telling everyone about her love and their need for salvation.
Sylvia shouldered the rejection from unbelievers, even her own family, understanding it came with the territory. Our sanctifying God eventually asked Sylvia to walk with him through years of locked doors in her life while he graced her to acknowledge the truth - yet forgive.
The Consuming Fire also led her to begin disposing of her fleshly sins. Sylvia walked with him in confession and repentance. However, there was one painful place God led Sylvia where she fled in distrust and bitterness.
But deathly darkness of existence without Life drove her back even through the perceived despair that God did not love her like his other children. Patiently God opened his Word to show her how he was not a respecter of persons, that all his were accepted in the Beloved. The walls crumbled between the two; Sylvia rejoiced anew in the Lord as she stove to listen intently and follow closely.
When that very obedience led her to be rejected by her church of eighteen years, day and night I heard her wail. “Father show me you too have not rejected me, use me.”
Blinded eyes could not see that happening. Sylvia had no Sunday school, AWANA, youth group or VBS to teach. The church they attended was now far away. She had no courage to witness, or reach out for fellowship. In despair Sylvia reverted back to what Sylvia had always done when severely wounded; she pushed everyone away – even God.
Like a spurned lover, her words of praise turned to raging blasphemous questions day and night. Questions neither I, nor anyone could answer apart from faith, now scorned.
At first I felt sorry for Sylvia, but then I began to see the danger on the path she trod –the demonic hardening of heart like that of Pharaoh’s - the drag of death pulling down from hope and life.
“Sylvia you must stop. It is killing you, turn back to God.” I warned.
“Yes, I know.” She would weep. Yet the questions resurfaced each time worse, like seven demons fold.
The Hellish pull drove me to my knees in fear repenting, “Oh God forgive and cleanse my blasphemous evil heart of unbelief. I don’t deserve to ask you anything, but I have no hope apart from Thee. Keep me by thy power. Clothe me in garments of praise. Help me to love thee with all of my heart.”
As I arose the battle immediately began…
“Why does God reject me? Why does he throw me out, yet love others even when they are wrong?” Sylvia whines.
“No, that’s wrong. God is not a respecter of persons. He never leaves us nor forsakes us.”
“Then how do you explain why God gives some loving parents, but others parents who hate, beat, and throw them to the wolves? His church has made it obvious they believe it is because he loves them more, thus did not saddle them with all my baggage.”
“NO SYLVIA, GOD IS GOOD! ALWAYS GOOD! The Lord is righteous in all his ways, and holy in all his works.”
“Then why no matter how hard I try can’t I please him?”
“Shut-up Sylvia! Let God be true and every man a liar, especially you. You must fight – agree to disagree with your emotions – your evil heart of unbelief.”
Slowly Peace and Life began to return. Sylvia’s questions also changed. “Can God really still forgive me?
“God promises, if we confess our sin, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us of all unrighteousness. His mercies are new every morning. His loyal love endures forever.”
“Perhaps it meant too much to Sylvia to be accepted by God’s people and those you love? Became your idol – identity?”
“I must think on that.”
“Did not God prove his love upon the cross? Does your requiring God to use you stem from unbelief and a background of working for approval? Is it not you rejecting God when you quit loving because it hurts too much?”
“Ouch, it’s true! I‘m so ashamed.” Sylvia’s eyes opened. (Sylvia means self.)
“It’s not what others do to us that can destroy us, but lies we accept because of it.”
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Blessings~
As for your story, it shows the spiritual warfare of a new believer with a difficult and painful past. You did a great job of showing the conflict. Thankfully, our God is stronger. I enjoyed this one very much. God bless.