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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Actions Speak Louder than Words" (without using the actual phrase). (02/21/08)
The bell rang and kids flooded the courtyard of Washington Grade School. Allison looked around from the top of the steps until she found her friend, and then ran to catch up with the short, red-haired girl named Gracie.

“Wanna come to my house and play?” Allison stood face-to-face with Gracie, hands on hips, waiting for an answer.

“I dunno. I have to ask Mommy.” Gracie shuffled her feet, looked over at her mom who waited in the van, and then looked back at Allison. “Um, some other time, okay?”

Allison scrunched up her face. “Gracie, you used to be my best friend!” She stomped her little booted foot and marched off in the opposite direction.

Gracie stood on the sidewalk and watched her very best friend walk away mad. She bent down and picked up her back pack and walked slowly to her mom, trying to hold back the tears.

Rachel beeped the horn to move her pokey daughter along. “Gracie, come on.”

“Hi, Mommy.” Gracie plopped her bag into the van and hopped in, her face bright and cheery.

“How was school?” Sunglasses hid her mother’s eyes, as always. Gracie forgot what they even looked like.

“Fine.” Gracie looked behind her and saw Allison’s van right behind theirs. She caught Allison’s eye and mouthed the words, “I’m sorry.” Allison turned away and pretended not to see.

“Mommy? Can I go to Allison’s house sometime?” Gracie waited for an answer, and twitched her foot in anticipation.

Rachel looked at Gracie through the rear-view mirror. “I guess it would be okay. When?”

“Um, sometime soon. If she ever asks me again, that is.” Gracie muttered that last part under her breath

“What, Gracie? You’re mumbling again.”

“I said, ‘whenever she asks me.’ That’s when.” She sat head down, and watched both feet as they twitched.

“Stop thumping the back of the seat,” Rachel snapped. “It hurts my head.”

“Everything hurts your head, Mommy! I can’t go anywhere, I can’t have friends over.” The tears she had been holding back now fell from Gracie’s eyes.

“I can’t deal with this now. Please…” Gracie hung her head, sopping up the tears on her coat sleeve.

The drive home was made in silence except for sniffling from the back seat. Before the van even stopped, Gracie jumped out and ran inside.

“Supper is on the table. I need to go lay down,” Rachel called to the back side of her daughter.

“What’s new?” Gracie ate as she flipped through channels. The quietness of the house was too much so she turned the TV on loud.

She jumped when she heard the phone. “Hello?”

“Hi, Gracie!”

“Daddy!”

“What’s Mommy doing?”

Gracie sighed.

“Oh, in bed again, huh? I’m sorry. You know Mommy’s sick.”

Tears welled up in her eyes. She could barely talk because of the lump in her throat. “I know, Daddy. Mommy’s always sick. When is she going to be unsick?”

“I don’t know, Honey.”

"She hates me and I hate her.”

“She loves you. You know you love her, too. I have to go now. Tell Mommy I called when she wakes up. Okay?”

Gracie groaned, “Okay. When are you coming home?”

“Tomorrow morning. Be a big girl and take care of Mommy for me. I love you.”

“Love you, Daddy.”

Gracie snuck into her mother’s dark room. She pulled back the comforter and inched her way onto her Daddy’s side of the bed, careful not to jiggle. She ached to feel her mother’s arms around her.

Rachel woke and pulled Gracie close, enveloping her in her arms and up against her warm body. “I’m so sorry, Honey,” Rachel whispered. “I hate being sick and I hate how it hurts you.”

“I hate it too, Mommy, but I love you.” Gracie snuggled up even closer and let the warmth of her mom’s body help heal her lonely one.

In the morning, Gracie’s dad, tiptoed into the room and found his two favorite girls lying in bed together. Rachel lay curled into a ball and Gracie was tucked up inside. Gracie’s head lay on her mom’s outstretched arm and they both were smiling dreamily.

“Lord,” Chris prayed quietly. “I shouldn’t have worried; You’re taking care of Rachel and Gracie just fine. We don’t know what the future holds with this illness but we do know that You are in control.” Chris climbed into bed beside Gracie and wrapped his arm around them both and drew them close. “Please help us, Lord.”
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This article has been read 1509 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Beckie Stewart
02/28/08
This is sad. It is well written with the dialogue and the feelings felt by all the characters. I could relate to this being one who struggles with depression.
Marita Thelander 
02/28/08
I , too, can see this as a fight with depression. The story is well thought out, and 'felt' by the reader. The ending is sweet.
Sherry Hoffcastel 
02/29/08
Wow. Yeah I could identify in so many ways. This is very real. Well done.
Joanne Sher 
02/29/08
Very authentic, and complex, well-drawn characters. I could feel for them. Very well done.
Jesse Blair
03/01/08
Touching story.

I initially thought it was about the two girls.
Jan Ackerson
03/02/08
Gracie is a very authentic little girl--dealing with confusing emotions as best as she can. I really fell for her.

I don't really see the topic here...

I'm glad you gave the family a loving, godly father/husband. Depression is such a horrible thing (I've been there...)
Beth LaBuff 
03/02/08
I could just see little Allison stomping her foot. The dialog of the little girls was very good. Your story is sad, but heartwarming. Nice work!
LauraLee Shaw
03/02/08
This story drew me in. I could relate almost perfectly with the little girl, and I felt agony for the mommy as well. I know this will be a message that many need to hear.
Jacquelyn Horne
03/03/08
How human is this story! It really speaks to those who are struggling to find answers to illness and the problems that can arise.
Glynis Becker
03/03/08
Very nicely done. The dialogue is good and the emotions are right on the surface. Great job!
Patty Wysong
03/03/08
The emotions and dialog are so authentic in this. I saw the topic at the very end where Gracie crawls in bed with her Mommy--after having said she hated her mom. I like this!!
Catrina Bradley
03/04/08
Oh, this is good. I thought the mom was an alcoholic until the end. I love Gracie's change of heart, then going to curl up with her mom. So much emotion. Super.
Celeste Ammirata
03/04/08
This is a sad, tender loving story. I got the impression it was cancer or something like that the family is dealing with. I'm glad Gracie crawled into bed with her mom. And that her mom held her in her arms. Both actions showed love.
Nicely done story.
Joshua Janoski
03/05/08
I thought that the mother was a drug addict, but then towards the end, I decided that it was more than likely depression she was facing. I've been there myself.

I saw the topic in the little girl's actions, when she went into her mother's room to be with her.

Touching story. I appreciate you sharing this.
Lyn Churchyard
03/05/08
Very well written. Depression is such an insidious thing. Love and support is definitely what is needed, and little Gracie and her daddy did just that. Wonderful story.
Chely Roach
03/05/08
Beautiful story...chronic pain affects so many more lives than the original 'victim". I loved it.
Debbie Wistrom
03/05/08
Great dialog, thanks for sharing a tough time.
Verna Cole Mitchell 
03/05/08
This well written story so touched my heart. Pain is a monster, as you know, but the love shown by Mother and daughter was better than lots of love words. The father's love was also very telling.
Betty Castleberry
03/05/08
I like that you didn't name what the illness was. Although others have mentioned depression, I think it could fit a few other things as well. It makes this story relatable (is that a word?) to many more people. Very good writing.
Shirley McClay
03/05/08
Amazing story dear Laury. I especially love the last paragraph... could pin that up on my wall;-)... I agree with what was said earlier.. it's cool that it can be applied to many different situations. Nicely done and I see the topic shining clear.
Sara Harricharan
03/06/08
Wow. I felt so bad for Gracie. I could see and feel this family's pain and especially the ending, that was heart-breaking! I'm glad though, at the last paragraph, that there is hope. YOu did well here. There is one note though, a few times I think dialouge was tagged onto one of Gracie's actions making it seem like it was Gracie speaking instead of her mom, otherwise, everything else was good! ^_^
Hanne Moon 
03/06/08
This is a wonderful story told from the side of a family member watching a loved one's illness. You captured the sadness and frustration, as well as the love and attempt at understanding. Great job!
Joanney Uthe 
03/06/08
Such a wonderful story of real emotions in difficult situations. Knowing who wrote it made me think of a certain type of pain, but I find it interesting what others have concluded. I agree that leaving it an unknown disease has the effect of Paul not naming his "thorn in the side." We all can relate better to the story because the illness is unnamed.