The Official Writing Challenge
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Okay, what happens next? Well written, but I think it needs an ending (my opinion only). If this was one chapter, you could leave it hanging, but for challenge entries I like an ending. (What if this makes the book and the outcome isn't known?) The suspense is good and you kept my interest. I wonder who grabbed her .... was it Derek? Danny? the "bad guys"?
"......AND, then? What happens next? This needs an ending. You have left your reader hanging! The reader is your life! You must give him or her a satisfactory ending. Great, up until the end! Then complete disappointment.
This story definitely - well - screams for an ending, but what can I say, I like being left hanging every now and then.
A powerful tale, and one with a poignant message for us all.
Thanks for sharing, and God bless,