The Official Writing Challenge
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Wow! This is deep. Great writing. One of my favs.
Nice message. I like stories that makes me think. The writing was good, but at times too wordy, and that is being ultra sensitive. I only mention this because this is such an excellent story. An example would be your lead sentence. Maybe,
"One solitary drop of water splashed on the tongue." Again, that is just a matter of personal taste. I feel you are a writer on the verge of really hitting your stride and maybe this might help. If not, don't throw too many peanuts at me.
God Bless!
An intriguing concept. I kept waiting for a Bible scripture, leading to something I could relate to; but it didn't come. Very intriguing however, but would have been MORE so, with less words. Just one reader's opinion. Thanks for sharing.
Great imagery. I think I understand the significance of the dry food but a little interpretation would have helped. Personally I think the snapshot approach interfered with the flow of the narrative if you kicked off with the question Do you know enough about that water youre walking in? this would have got you going with a punchy start.
This is a great allegory for the topic: the thirsty soul being led astray from the essential to that which "puffs up" the soul (pride). I enjoyed reading this---which I found when I came looking to thank you for your comment on my story :) Thank you.