The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I love this! You did such a marvelous job of giving us the atmosphere of this place, and of capturing his various emotions. Nice kicker, no preachifying.
Well-crafted story! Great job!
Although a sad story, you did a great job of bringing it to life. I could feel the man's dispair, and almost felt like I was right there.
Very nice characterization! I could see it all and feel the emotions. Nice writing!
Great story! I like happy endings. Very descriptive, I felt like I was in that bar watching and listening.
I love these poor struggling souls---you described them to a T, as I'm sure I've met them somewhere along the trail. I really like your style, too. No doubt, your story carries your message to the heart of your reader.
“It’s early now, but come sun down, all the bums will come in with their stolen dollar and beg a shot.” This is a sad image.

Great detail in atmosphere and emotion that put us in the seat next to him! (I was grossed)

Thank you for the hope of the true possibility through Christ of the recovery and management of this addiction.

I've never been to a place like this - you made it real through your words. Good stuff Dub!
No waste of words here! Every detail of action, dialogue and description is fitted together to create a powerful integrity of thought & message. Masterful!
This was great. I felt like I was right there with them. I guess this would be a bad time to say I felt like a fly on the wall. lol. Good job.
This has at least 40 written all over it.I loved it.
I was rooting for flys until the end. Good story. A DAVEY for resisting tempatation.
Oh, I forgot,and for best use of flys in a melodrama.
Reads like a scene from the movie -"In the Heat of the Night"...somewhere out in the sticks. A few typos and left out words that some editing could fix...but overall a good entry for the Topic of LIFE.
Interesting title for starters and a very satisfying ending. As I read I wondered how this story was going to be on topic, and then I found you were right on. I'm impressed. Very well written.
I'm with Sharon but I would put you at least in 39th place. Another challenge and another great take on the topic.

See you next quarter,
It was like watching a scene from a great movie. The atmosphere of your story surrounded me. Good job.
I didn't get a chance to read the entries before they were judged this week, but after reading your story I had to comment. Great job! Your characters really came to life. I really admire your ability to draw one right into the scene.