The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Funny and right to the heart. A little problem with tenses, however made the read a little bumpy. I would have written this in past tense, but other than that a winner in my book, for originality and fun.
Good, creative piece. I expect you've already spotted the typos - fair not fare and rise not raise. But an enjoyable read with a strong message.
Critique: Helen already spotted the "goofs" - so I won't repeat them; it also bothered me that you categorized the man as being very tall (he was sitting down at the desk) Right?

Comment: Great dream! Creative! Fascinating Story, and well written! I really liked it, especially the dialogue! Great Job! A really FUN read.