The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/09/06
Gosh I could identify with this! I have been there and heart that voice!
Great writing!
A Davey for true communication.

06/12/06
Wow! What a first. I could feel the agony. Can't wait for more. Kudos! Hats off and all that.
06/12/06
You're too hard on yourself, Joe, this is good stuff. You absolutely captured the raw emotions here. My only suggestion would be to tighten up the meter a bit, but this is a very creditable first poem, with many wonderful phrases and images.
Joe, I can't wait to see what you come up with, with a little practice. Goo job. I really liked it.
06/13/06
It has good meaning, it probably needs to be restructured and more attention to pace paid.
Powerful pictures and emotions here, along with strong concepts: "The peace of knowing what was unknown." Back when I started writing verse, I would have welcomed any sign of the emotional freedom and heart-flow I see here!

You've already received some solid critiquing, so I won't nitpick here. It'll be exciting to watch your poetry grow, Joe! (Hmm, nice rhyme...)