The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
06/11/06
This was an intriguing and yet frustrating story for me. I understand that this person has peace about whatever it is he or she is about to face. But the way the story unfolds I found myself forgetting about finding peace in this story because of wanting to know "what this person was facing." The peace being found just seemed to fit as part of the backdrop instead of the focus. Still, it is a very creative story you have here. These things could just be personal preference on my part. Others may not have the same impression as I do.
06/12/06
This is your best line. It is the opposite of peace, I think.
"My spirit quieted for a moment like a man who had run out of breath screaming for help."
Had to read this story a couple of times to understand what was happening. Needed just a couple more details to help understanding, but I like your angle. Original!
06/12/06
I was gripped by the way you spun this story...but felt a bit cheated when you left my questions unanswered. Good writing.
06/13/06
A bit too mysterious as to the nature of the "twenty minutes." A court hearing? A speech? Needed more, but it did hold my interest.