The Official Writing Challenge
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This is excellent writing but I hope to God that this is not a true story.
Wow! That's a really chilling story - desperately moving, inspiring, and (to this mother of three little girls that I desperately want to grow up doing what Jesus would do)scary. Fantastic, crisp, writing. Well done.
I really like this style of writing - short sentences and introspective - very well done.

The death of this girl is unsettling (as it should be.) I would have preferred Sarah taken away in an ambulance and the narrator expressing a desire to talk with her...

But that's just pure personal preference, not a citique.

You posessed a very distinct writing style in this story - I liked it. Great job. :)
This is a very powerful and well-written story. Wow!
It reminds me of how often the Holy Spirit prompts us and we go on about our business, not realizing the consequences. Wonderful job!
Like James, I loved your writing style here--the paragraphs, then the short sentences of reflection. This story is breathtaking, almost allegorical.
Very powerful, very well written. It is a very real look at how people often regret what they have done, or didn't do.

I thought the ending, although sad, emphasized the point very well.
Very artistic ... the style had an almost poetic rhythm to it. Very well done. I like that you tackled a dark segment of life and that it didn't get tied up in a neat little ending. Good work. I think there were a couple of breaks in dialect and maybe a scene or two that weren't quite polished as well as the others. Minor things. The piece packed a punch and you taught us faith in action and that life has purpose. Great job!
Powerful -every teen and teen parent needs to read this.
This gave me chills. I think you told the story beautifully. The ending was horrible, but possible, and very powerful. Always going along, never speaking Never know where you might end up.

I love the girl holding the bracelet at the end, as if it was the only thing that could save her.

A sad character study.
Wow, Jessica, yes, it is dark, but it's powerful...the extremes of peer pressure and where they can lead you. The style of writing fit well with the story. Well-done!
Jessica, this is powerful writing. What a message wrapped in a brilliant package of talented writing.
So dark but so powerful!
Yes, I definitely would describe your piece as disturbing - but that's a good thing! As a writer, you did an excellent job. Easy to follow, it flowed smoothly, and caused me to almost "have to" keep reading, even though I was dreading the outcome. How many of us can put ourselves into the narrator's shoes? Maybe not to the point of literally killing someone but still... the only tiny flaw I could find was the relation to "purposefulness" - it seemed a little tacked on at the end. But then again, I had the same problem with my own entry this week LOL.
All in all, a great entry - a definite contender. :-)
So sad ... but very well written. I too liked the way the narrator would tell us a bit about life back then, then his short description of his own response or regrets.

I wondered how he could know it was his own rock that hit her head? Surely there was a volley of rocks thrown? Maybe not?

Disturbing but very effective. Well done.
You go girl! Congratulations! What a powerful piece! CONGRATULATIONS!
Jess...Now I can talk. I read this story twice, and it choked me up to the point of total loss of words. I finally gave up on trying to comment...But I'm SO GLAD this won!!!!! And my buddy Jess is the author...Oh wow, oh wow! My deepest congrats. You're on a rocket to Mars, girl!
Hey Jess...I too was so deeply touched I was unable to comment. I'm so glad this placed. I believe every young child should read this piece. You should try to have it published. I can see it'll have so many offers you won't know which one to chose...but Our Lord and Savoir will show you your direction.

God Bless!! :)
Well now Jessica, it seems that all your fears of not being good enough for Masters were for naught! As for writing a sucky entry, I somehow don't think it's possible for you to do that :)
Whoa, Jess! This is incredible writing. Just incredible. I wish I'd had time to read it earlier in the week so I'd be one of the first ones saying how amazing it is. But here I am at the end of a very long list of fans. Well, please know, sweet girl, that you are indeed a very talented writer and I am pleased to call you friend! (And pleased to be tagging along behind you in the winner's circle.)
What a disturbing piece! Yikes, the fruit of the fear of man. I'm so happy to see your writing soaring to such heights. Keep it up!
All I can say is WOW!!!

Jessica, this is truly an awesome entry & you totally deserve your win!