The Official Writing Challenge
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This is beautiful. I loved how you brought in the scenes with Jesus. I also really loved the resolution. The pain of an abortion is astronomical in a girls' life and I think it's improtant to see that there's still hope for a full and rich life. This is a true story about love. Great job.
Haunting, moving description of the Mistake. My heart is racing after reading this; you really pulled me in. What a graphic way to show the Holy Spirit's convicting work in this young girl's heart! Really, really good.
Very powerful story. I did find the jump to jesus on the cross a bit disconcerting, but only for a minute, because soon everything became clear. Nicely done.
Excuse my sloppy capitalisation. I meant Jesus
Abortions damage women for life, but there is redemption in Jesus. Well done.
Powerful peice. I think it would read even better with the scene's of Jesus in italics... His first paragraph threw me off. Well done!
'...the girl places a trembling hand on her flat stomach evidence of a mistake.' Poignant. Very sad.

Your blending and timing of her realization was beautiful. Hopeful. True.

I hope this one is used to help others. I pray it will be.
Oh, very powerful! I like the insertion of the "Jesus" scene, it forced me to go back and read, and then re-read. When I "got it," it was wonderful.
Excellent writing. This is powerful. I particularly liked your detached narrator, viewing all from above without entering the thoughts of the character. Haunting, image-driven piece. The crucifixion threw me for a minute, but it was wonderful. Italics might alert the reader to the big shift, but it was great, regardless. Bravo!
Writing of this impact only comes when inspired by God.
I felt every emotion. Saw the redemptive power of Christ through my veil of tears.
Good job. You created the environment so clearly. Thanks for such an inspiring piece.
Thank you. I understand making mistakes. Though I have never had an abortion, I needed to hear that God still reaches for us after we make wrong turns in our lives. I know this in my mind, but today I needed to hear it in my heart. Thank you.
You did an excellent job showing us a detailed view of your story, but like others already mentioned, I think the jump to Jesus needed to be indicated with italics or something. (On first read, I thought he was somehow in the room with a scifi twist!) But once I went back and read it more slowly, your message became very clear.