The Official Writing Challenge
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Interesting story, although I'm afraid I didn't understand it very well. I'm guessing you were up to the word limit? - a bit more explanation would have probably saved the day. But it may just be me being obtuse ;)
This reads like parts of a larger work--one that I'd enjoy reading! Watch out for unnecessary apostrophes...good characterizations here. Nice job.
Very interesting story, but it needs more. What happens?