The Official Writing Challenge
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The point of this story is a good one. Here's a bit of writing advice though- watch out for repeated words and phrases. You used "feeling, feel and felt" many times in this story for example. Substituting other words or finding other ways to say the same thing would make for better reading. Thanks for the reminder of the responsability we have to spread the Gospel while we still have the chance.
A very good reminder that our days are numbered even as the hairs on our head. Thank you for reminding us to "make the most of the time" as in Eph.5:16 Good job!
A fine message for all of us; and a great story; however, critique-wise..."these ones" after "look on your left" is perhaps a typo, and comma's are needed to break up your long sentences. Perhaps just a good edit would do the trick. I loved the story, and you make a very good point!