The Official Writing Challenge
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Great story! Watch out for point-of-view shifts - you moved into the mind of the demons and the angels. It wasn't enough to distract from the flow of the story, but it is a technical detail to watch for. I loved the line "Don’t lower yourself to that nonsense." - what a clever picture!
Well done. I love the insight you give into the mind of the demons and their determination to destroy Jake. I think your POV is fine. I had no trouble following the story. I love the scripture that pierces Jake's thoughts. The Word of God is sharper than a double-edged sword...nothing else can penetrate that kind of darkness.
The message is right on. The saving Grace of God! Woo-Hoo! The presentation through the dialogue made this sing right along. Crisp and direct. Very strong story. Good job!
Good dialogue - excellent fast paced flow. The Bible falling open mechanism reminded me of a story where someone is opening the Bible randomly to hear God speak and turns to the passage: "and Judas went out and hung himself." The next random opening found the verse, "go and do likewise."
Jake was luckier than that guy. Good job.
Excellent entry. As mentioned above, it was fast-paced and flowed smoothly. Present tense is difficult to write but you did it expertly. Great job with the silent dialogue. A contender this week, for sure. :-)
"...The angels surround him, pulling the claws of darkness from his breaking heart..."

This was a great sentence, in a very powerful and well-written story!
Very powerful - wow
Very well done - good flow - great visuals! Beautiful, terrifying and victorious! Amen!
Yes to all above! And I too especially liked the Bible opening and the pages moving like it was alive. Great story and so skillfully written!!
The pictures you painted with your words were extremely powerful and moving. So many lines I loved - too many to list. Great writing. Well done.
I agree with the previous comments, you did a great job with this. It was very fast-paced and moved right along, which can be difficult with so much internal dialogue. Many great lines, and I loved the addition of envisioning the demons and angels as part of the scene.
I agree with the above comments. A truly great story.
I love 'happy ending' stories :-) And this was a beauty. The best part about it is that in God, this is a truly feasible story. Great work as always, Crista!