The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
What an amazing story!
This is a powerful descriptive story with a profound message.
A great story!! Having heard the stories of missionaries who were martyred, it was surprising to me how ofter a relative went to take their place.
This story has a ton of potential. The hook is compelling. To give it more punch, here are some suggestions:

1st, watch your grammar and punctuation. 2nd, take out all the passive verbs. 3rd, avoid trite expressions. 4th, avoid using the word breath over and over. The reader will get the gist of the story without repetition. 5th, end with a strong conclusion.

Would love to see this again with some serious tweaking! It is a great story of God's provision!