The Official Writing Challenge
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You have the start of a good story here. I felt like I was coming in on the middle of your piece. It would have worked better had you started with eye-catching sentence showing who you were talking to and why this particular lesson. Keep on writing!
You make some great points. Some experts state you should never start with dialog because the reader might feel like she's coming in the middle of something. I don't always agree, but in this case, it took almost three paragraphs before I knew who the speaker was and to whom she was speaking. Just by adding some body language and a name can make a huge difference. Although generally defining the topic word is discouraged, in this case the teacher could ask for suggestions of different definitions of punch or different sentences where it means something different. By doing this, a student could tell about Jesus, which for kids' stories, having the kid, not the adult, resolve the conflict or have an epiphany is much more desirable. It'd also make it not feel like you were forcing the topic word. Sometimes the best on-topic stories never use the topic word.

However, you did a lot of things right. You picked some great Scriptures and presented them in a way that wasn't too preachy or too soon in the story. You had the kids ask some great questions too. You definitely have a clear Christian message. While you used the topic word a bit too much for my taste, you were on topic in a fresh and different way. Most importantly, I can really feel your passion. I've no doubt the Holy Spirit is punching you to spread the wonders of the Word. 😉