Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: REFLECTION (10/10/19)
- TITLE: Conflict
By Arlene Baker
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â€œI canâ€™t,â€ I whimpered. â€œCanâ€™t.â€
Youâ€™re a daughter of the Most High. My daughter. Look into your Fatherâ€™s eyes.
I shook my head.
Do it. I heard the urgency in his silent dialog but squeezed my eyes closed.
The relentless voice stilled.
My stomach churned as thoughts roiled.
Iâ€™m worthless. Sinner extraordinaire. Too bad for God to forgive.
I slumped to the ground and pressed my face into the damp grass.
Dew or tears?
I obsessed over my every imperfection.
My bones ached. I wanted to rise but could not.
â€œAre you still there, Lord?â€
Are you finished?
â€œFinished?â€ I gasped. â€œWith what?â€
Anger constricted my throat.
Iâ€™ve been telling him how unworthy I am of his forgiveness and now he accuses me of self-pity? How â€¦
Youâ€™ve convinced yourself that you are beyond redemption of some gross sin. Iâ€™m telling you that youâ€™re arrogant.
I sat up, both hands balled into fists by my side. â€œYou canâ€™t be serious.â€ I scowled as I threw down the challenge. â€œYou are accusing me of arrogance?â€
â€œHow could youâ€¦â€
Irritation grew along with his silence.
Doesnâ€™t he know what Iâ€™ve done? Arrogant? How dare he?
Thoughts tumbled, came to the fore, retreated. Fury dissolved as truth slammed deep into my spirit. I bowed my head and sobbed.
â€œIâ€™m trying to tell you, my Everlasting Father, that Iâ€™ve out-sinned your love, that thereâ€™s no hope for me because the Blood of Jesus is inadequate.â€
Tears flowed, unchecked.
â€œGod ... Lord ... Father, Iâ€™m so sorry. It doesnâ€™t matter what I think, your truth trumps my thoughts.â€
I inhaled deep.
â€œIf you say Iâ€™m forgiven, Iâ€™m forgiven.
If you say Iâ€™m worthy, Iâ€™m worthy.
If you say Iâ€™m lovable, Iâ€™m lovable.â€
I sank back to the earth and wept for joy as truth released my heart.
Child look into my eyes and tell me what you see.
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