The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
09/05/19
This story is wonderful and packed with great potential. My few suggestions are: Limit the use of passive verbs. That forces the writer into showing, rather than telling and will engage the reader even more.

The second paragraph about the Jewish remnants confused me. Perhaps the word count could be used elsewhere, describing the sanctuary, the bond with Grandma, etc. Maybe develop even more how precious the "useless scraps and buttons" are to the MC. LOVED that as I love to sew and still have buttons from 20 years ago!

Use of dialog would break up the long paragraph and put the reader into the center of the action.

However, I do love the story, the imagery and the point at the end. Congratulations!
Loved the great and significant detail, though i didn't understand all of it since Jewish objects are unfamiliar to me.

Had a real ring of truth to it. Is the narrator upset that grand!a died? I'm not sure. She seemed to have lived quite a long time.
Sounds like a very interesting life. I would love to hear more about life with your deaf parents, more about your brother and you, and so on. Perhaps upcoming stories? I agree about the Jewish owners - interesting, but not part of this story. I'm learning that too much information takes away from the main point of what I'm trying to portray. It's a tough lesson for sure!
09/10/19
Your grandmother sounds like she was a special woman. I loved your descriptive piece and the background of the house, including the Jewish people.
Thanks for sharing a piece of your life with us, nicely done.
Blessings~
09/12/19
Nicely written. I'm not surprised it placed.