The Official Writing Challenge
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Member
Date
04/18/19
Great concepts in this story. You've got an opportunity for a more memorable ending if youth the tie between paragraph three and your last paragraph. (Well, you are taking Nate to her Bible study, aren't you?)
04/18/19
Oops, . . . if you tie together paragraph three and the last paragraph.
This sounds like the beginning of a love story! I would love to hear more!
This is a charming encounter that made me smile as I read. I really liked Nate's character in reaching out to a stranger. Be careful about POV shifts. You entered the head of both characters. If you have everything through just the MC's POV, you'll find it's easier to show and not tell. How would Nate know she was in a daze and then coming out of it? By describing those parts instead of telling, you're not shifting the POV and you show, not tell. For instance, perhaps she's pacing and rubbing her hands and stuttering over words. Overall, you did a great job though. The message is clear and a powerful one we all need to be reminded of from time to time. The ending was great too. It felt natural and realistic. Go d job.