The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 146 times
Member Comments
This is just good writing:) The tension, the build-up and the realistic internal conflict made for a compelling read.

This piece hits home personally; a challenge to stay faithful.

Keep writing. You certainly have something valuable to say.
Great descriptive writing using the senses of hearing and smell as well as sight.
It's great not to spell everything out thus leaving nothing to the reader's imagination, but one needs to be sure that there is no ambiguity that distracts the reader from the story. Olivia walked up the hill back to YWAM and the path led to a vista. I had to stop and read it again to realise that it was the path Aikane was taking and not the one leading to YWAM.
I loved the detail in your descriptions. I have a note on my desk that says, "The truth is in the details." That was true for your piece. It came alive.
Sorry, Aisake (where does that name come from?) not Aikane. :-)
Excellent job with this.

Well done,
I was rooting for him to not go! Great build up of suspense, and powerful descriptions.
So good! You have a great way of transporting the reader into the immediacy of this story. I could hear the insects droning in the soft humidity that carrried the scent of musky earth and overripe fruit. Also loved the line 'he is all sentiment today and fearful brooding,' in fact there are too many good lines to mention!
Engaging story. Enjoyed all of the descriptions also,quite the wordsmith. I did think, with all of the internal conflict, that the end of the story seemed a bit abrupt. I would still be battling with myself even as I made my exit.
Top 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Top 20!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Keep it going. You did great, and I think you're breaking out!
Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level and 20 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.