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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: Vanity (11/15/18)
A hollow man I’ve become
Only on myself I spend my life
no joy, no satisfaction, no fulfilment
a life full of much regrets

Everything I do for me alone
More than others I think of myself
Myself only I love
My thoughts only I cherish
Whatever I have I treasure

Power will I aspire
pushing others
out of my way
thinking that’s the best way
Alas end up joyless and sad

For wealth will I strive
Very hard will I squeeze others
to get every cent
from their vault
end up having more stress and ulcers

Then I crave for relationships
through fame and fortune
blazing my path a trail of wounded hearts
Friendship I soon realise springs from the heart

Vanity! Vanity! Vanity!
I cry out
Who can deliver me
from such predicament
Like the Prodigal, I return to the Lord

In Him I find real joy
and unspeakable peace
I once was lost but now I’m found
Light the path of generosity
Help me to give like You
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This article has been read 89 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Claudia Barrington
11/23/18
What a message! And I love the way your title contrasts with your first line. That alone makes the reader want to read it to find out what you did to fill the void. I don't know a lot about poetry, so maybe that's the reason I couldn't find a pattern...some parts seem to rhyme, and some don't. But it's still a wonderful piece with potential to reach others for Christ. I could relate, and others will also be able to relate.
Claudia Barrington
11/24/18
What if everyone who posted in Challenge entries also commented on/critiqued at least three others? I'm shocked that so many post, and so few read and post a review for others. It seems only a few people have the courtesy to critique but would like the critiques on their own. I am new here, and originally was excited about this site. If you are one who DOES regularly read and comment on others work, then may the Lord bless you mightily and publish you quickly.
Jennifer Woodley 
11/24/18
This piece truly portrayed the emptiness, sadness and pitifulness of living life for self. The last stanza made me feel hopeful again. Christ is our only answer to vanity. Thank you and well done.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/27/18
Wow this is powerful. You do a fine job of painting a vivid picture. I could feel the MC's angst. You nailed the topic, delivered a strong message, and touched my heart.