The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Very powerful and very descriptive writing. Good job!
What if everyone who posted in Challenge entries also commented on/critiqued at least three others? I'm shocked that so many post, and so few read and post a review for others. It seems only a few people have the courtesy to critique but would like the critiques on their own. I am new here, and originally was excited about this site. If you are one who DOES regularly read and comment on others work, then may the Lord bless you mightily and publish you quickly.
Wondering if this is a true story. Sounds like it could be. The end could have a bit more punch if the next to last paragraph was deleted. Here's an idea. If the opening paragraph hinted at the daughter's lack of valuing being part of her family and of God's family, then the birthday note ending would have a connection to the opening - rounding out the story. Something to consider:-).