The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/25/18
What a powerful message - and well written.
I try to go back sometimes too, and it's not the same. It was a gift, and for a season, as you said so well. A scripture came to mind...But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize of God’s heavenly calling in Christ Jesus. Phil. 3:13-14
You make some great points in this mini sermon. I can definitely relate. My main complaint is minor. Your first sentence is past tense, but the next is in present. It's an easy fix, tweak first to match up with present tense:
As I travel with my family to the area where I spent my childhood, I notice I'm tapping my foot and licking my lips.
I added the last part to show how adding body language can paint a picture for the reader. She will sense you are nervous because of the body language. Little things like that can add depth to the character and make you show not just see.

You wrote on topic in a fresh and interesting way with a clear message that many can relate to. Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level and 13th overall. Happy Dance!