The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/25/18
I loved this. A great take on the topic, and it brought lots of chuckles! Thanks for sharing. This is good!
This is a great story. You had me smiling and grimacing in all of the right places. I was a little confused because I thought Shawn was an adult until I reread the story. You did say in high school as an introduction, but I thought it was an introduction to the surf club. You could easily fix that with something like When we still lived in California and my son Sean was sixteen... I also wasn't sure who Sean was at first. Even when you mentioned local youth group, I pictured a kid from your church, so I was confused how Sean would know where you moved and how to get in. I think if you had added the kids' names back up in the empty nest section or say my son Sean's Surfers, that would have clarified it. I think a lot if my confusion came from opening paragraph. You were setting the scene in Oregon. If you moved that paragraph to the end just before mentioning carrying that shame,that might have cleared up my confusion.

However, I do think you have a great story. You have some great mental pictures. I can so relate to the empty nest part and even the shame of parenting goofs staying with me far longer than the kids lived with me. You have a strong message, a great conflict, and a wonderful resolution.