The Official Writing Challenge
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I really enjoyed this story. You did a great job of setting up the conflicts right out of the box. You had a bit of suspense to move the story along too. It has a great message, although it's not a clear Christian message like the new rule says, but I still could feel the Holy Spirit using your words to touch my heart. Be careful about the tense. You switched from past to present to past again. Overall though it was a delightful story and was spot on topic.