The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I think this piece has great potential. Definitely worth spending time on rewriting. "Tinkle" isn't quite the right word. Think about how your story ends and find a word for the breakage that has an equal weight. These are just my personal impressions, but I think you could make this piece great.
Wow! Such vivid descriptions. I hope that this prodigal returns home.
This has a ring of authenticity. As a Gideon I have conducted jail services and placed scriptures for many years. Numerous prisoners, both men and women, have said being locked up was the best thing that ever happened to them -- because they had the time to read the Bible and found Jesus. Keep telling the story.