The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/19/18
Great application that never occurred to this cripple. Thank you.
Well written.
Full of vivid suppositions about a very happy Bible story.
07/25/18
Excellent job with the narrative and application of this story. I enjoyed reading it.
This is a great story. You introduce the conflict right away and pull the reader in with the suspense. I'd urge you to have someone read it aloud to you. If they stumble over any sentences, it might need tweaking, tightening, or restructuring. The person also might help catch little errors like no hyphen between twenty-four and no apostrophe for King's sumptuous banquet. You did a great job of bringing the story to life. The dialog helps the story move forward and you have a great message. Personally I don't think you need that last paragraph because you've done such a fine job of showing the moral in the actual story. Congratulations on ranking 3rd in your level and 11th overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.