The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/14/18
Great job creating an exciting story with a thoughtful application.
07/14/18
Nice story with lots of excitement. I like the part where God caused the tree to break just at the right time. Keep writing!
This is a great story. You pulled me in right away and held my attention throughout. I noticed a couple of little things. When using taglines, you need a comma at the end of the dialog or in some cases when it's not a tagline like he said, you can use a period after the dialog, but then capitalize the next letter. For example this is more of a narrative line: “Go Diesel, Go Boy.” He encouraged his sure-footed steed as he leaned foreward and kicked the horse. (I added the leaning forward to create a picture and usually when combining two words to make a modifier, you should use a hyphen.) This is more of a tagline: “Woah Boy,” shouted Jo. So here you use a comma and lowercase letter.
You did a great job creating suspense. I liked how you moved the storyline along using dialog, thoughts (you can put those in italics) and body language. Your message is great and you did a fantastic job of showing that so much that you really didn't need that last paragraph. I enjoyed the story and your unique take on the topic. Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level and 14 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.