Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: ASKEW (06/07/18)
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TITLE: At the Beach | Previous Challenge Entry
By linda simpson
06/14/18 -
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James knew Jennifer would be home for lunch. The time had come to find out the truth.
Full of trepidation he marched through the front door into the kitchen. Jennifer was preparing her lunch.
“Hi love. I wasn't expecting you this time of day.”
'What's this?” James asked. His dark eyes flashed in anger, as he held out a handwritten note.
The colour drained out of her face. It was as he feared.
“Where did you find it?” Jennifer's blue eyes refused to look at him.
.
“Under the edge of the couch. How long has this been going on?”
He screwed up the note in a rage.
“About three months.” she sounded almost penitent.
“Why Jen, why?”. He was devastated.
She tossed her long blond hair and indignantly replied
“You're never here and I get so lonely now the kids have gone. You're always out doing the Lord's work.”
The sarcastic tone in the last few words didn't escape his notice.
“Have our slept with him?”
“No.” Jen fired back.
“Honestly?”
“No we're just friends.”
“Don't you know what this could do to my reputation? We've only been
here for eighteen months.”
“James you just don't understand what it's like.”
“And you don't understand what it's like for me trying to build up this church. I'm going out I need to get away and think.”
The front door slammed behind him.
In tears, Jen sank onto a chair as tyres squealed down the driveway.
James drove onto the freeway not sure where he was going.
“Lord, how could this have happened. I trusted her so completely. What am I supposed to do?
I love her but there's so many people hurting badly and needing help.”
He decided to go to his special spot on the beach where many times before the Lord had spoken to him. It had been a few months since their last 'meeting'. Now there never seemed to be enough hours in a day. The sign to the beach was tilted and damaged. “Some lousy
truck driver.” he thought as he turned off the freeway.
It was a cloudy, cool day and the car park was deserted.
He strode along the beach, each breath of salty air and the sound of the waves breaking calmed his soul.
“Lord please help me. I need your guidance I'm desperate.”
“Turn your eyes upon Jesus ……..,” he sang as he appreciated the jagged cliffs, rock pools, smooth sand and seagulls calling.
“Why have I left it so long Lord?”
He turned round a rocky outcrop, the entrance to his 'special place'.
Seated on 'his' rock was a middle-aged man in jeans, shirt and thongs.
“Hi James.”
“Hi. Should I know you?”
“Just call me Mick. I've come to help you. I heard you have some problems.”
“Yes. How do you know? They are rather personal.”
“Oh I realize that. But I have inside information and if you'll listen, a solution.”
“I need all the help I can get.”
'Who is this guy?' wondered James.
“Sadly, you've got out of balance with your life. It happens so often. Some pastors interpret things incorrectly. They believe serving God means putting the congregation first. Sure looking after your sheep is important but cherishing your wife and family is more so. Don't neglect them. You need to get your priorities right. Jennifer didn't mean to be unfaithful. She loves you but was really extremely lonely. Take a break. Have a holiday together and ask the Holy Spirit to help you put things right. There are some good folk in your church so let them assist you. I'm confident it will all work out. God bless you James, I must be off.”
“But who are you really Mick?”
“Goodbye James have a great holiday. The Bahamas are spectacular this time of year. By the way the tide's coming in.”
James turned to look “Your right it's time to leave. Thanks M…..”
He turned back but Mick had disappeared.
“Could he have been an angel?” James wondered incredulously.
As he drove home he passed the crooked sign post. I guess like that sign my life has got a bit askew. Thanks for Mick, Lord!”
He knocked tentatively at their front door.
Jennifer redeyed from crying, opened it cautiously.
“I'm so sorry Jen” James apologised behind a big bunch of red roses.
“I've got tickets for the Bahamas! Will you come?”
Her kiss was his answer.
.
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Be careful with your punctuation with quotation marks. It should go inside the marks, and you only need one period. After taglines like he replied, you should have commas. Be careful of POV shifts. The story was told from James' perspective so he wouldn't know what his wife did after he left.
I liked the messages you had in this story. There were also more than one conflict too, which also made it intriguing. I liked the ending for the most part with the exception of the mysterious stranger, which is overdone a lot. I believe God sends us angels, but he also uses people, stories, and other ways to talk to us too. Don't be afraid to think outside of the box a bit. You definitely have the talent. Good job on the topic too.