Previous Challenge Entry (Level 3 - Advanced)
Topic: TRIAL (05/10/18)
TITLE: Forgetting Mother's Day
By Taryn Deets
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Then I remember the time difference and I take a deep sigh of relief and write Mothers Day e-card on a post-it beside my laptop, since my daughter is using my computer to do her virtual Chemistry lab.
My other daughter who, sitting next to me, is finishing her last exam of High School, hears my exclamation and asks What, Mom?
Nothing, but she sees what I wrote before I can fold it in half.
When is Mothers Day? she searches google.
Mom, its today! Happy Mothers Day.
Weve forgotten it is Mothers Day as Sunday is a school day and the weekend starts on Friday here. Its taken us a year, weve finally gotten used to this schedule, but now its hard to keep track of our U.S. holidays.
As my other daughter begins her lab exam, and I can now use my laptop, I take a quick moment to send my mom and mother-in-law a quick e-card.
As the day wears on, with conflict after conflict with my eleventh grader over every assignment, I feel less and less like celebrating motherhood. The storm in her heart that I anticipate at any moment becoming a full-force inferno, has been building for days along with my anxiety.
Over the past three weeks, another of our adopted children cheated on a major exam, stole money from my purse, lied more than once, took his confiscated phone from my room, and blamed me for not trusting him and taking away his freedom.
When he comes home from school, and barely responds to my cheery Hi, how was your day? I feel even less like celebrating.
In fact, I wish I could just forget this was Mothers Day! Before adoption, Mothers Days used to be a day for breakfast in bed or a special meal after church. Since we enlarged our family by adoption, however, this day has often been spoiled by our childrens big emotions. It is a day when they must feel torn between celebrating and mourning. Of course, this is understandable, but it still grieves my heart.
I struggle on this day every year, trying to rise above my self-pity and to drown out the voices that say all of this is because I am not enough as a mom to heal their hurts, struggling to hear Truth above the lies that constantly control my thoughts.
If you also struggle with Mothers Day, either having lost your mother, or having one who has hurt you, having been unable to become a mother, or having lost a child, you are not alone. But there is hope. I have found that on the days when the lies are yelling so loudly in my head that my temples throb with it, I cant pray on my own. I have also found that praying for my kids (your mom, or your infertility) just keeps me focused on the difficulties, so I save that for later.
Instead, I have learned to have prayers of worship and for peace on my phones home screen for easy access, a worship play list in my music app, and a place to list things to be thankful for. Today, I even looked up photos of Monets Garden so I could fix my thoughts on something lovely, and admirable, so I could find His peace. (Philippians 4:8 NLT)
Before bed, I receive a card from my eighteen-year old who will leave to go to college in a few months. Her words affirm me as a mother and seem like a pointed a message from the Lord. I am grateful, that in all my struggling, God never leaves me stuck in my self-pity or negative self-talk, and while it may take all day, He sends a healing word somehow, be it through someone who loves me, a song or His Holy Word.
My eleventh grader also hands me a card which says inside, Sorry for my attitude today, I didn't mean to... and hands me a box of chocolate.
I give her a hug, Thanks! and she returns my grin.
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