The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
01/27/18
Good job describing the test anxiety and trying the idea to tests of our faith. On a side note, impressive that you are voluntarily studying all that tax stuff. That stuff intimidates me. 😊
01/28/18
Great message through your creative entry!

Blessings~
Very descriptive about Taxes and tests. Liked how tie the Scriptures in at the end. Enjoyed reading it.

God bless.

This is a short, right-to-the-point story. I enjoyed it. I think you did a great job of writing on topic.

Instead of telling me what your husband did, try showing instead. For example, I might edit that paragraph like this:
My husband came over and kissed my head and rubbed my shoulders. "I don't want to add to your stress so I'm going to turn off the TV, try not to talk, and go listen to music." He smiles at me as he slips his headphones on. "I believe in you."

That's just a quick example to show ways to create a picture for the reader. It shows what your husband does from your POV, which will resonate with the reader.

The other thing I'd suggest would be to ask someone to read the story aloud to you (or read it out loud yourself). If the person stumbles, you might have an error or an awkward sentence.

I really liked your ending. It brought the story full circle and left me with a smile on my face. The message is a great one, and one I needed right now. Thanks for sharing it with me.