The Official Writing Challenge
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I like the way this was presented. Enough gaps for my imagination to play in, but structure to hold it together. I am also glad that she made it home. Well done.
Nice job! This is a very visual piece; I could see every scene. Very suspenseful!
Great story! You took us away to a different place to experience! Great job!
Wow, this was great! I agree with Michael, you didn't quite tell the background, but it worked. Well done!
I wanted to know more about what happened. I love how you wrote the action...very vivid and I think difficult to do so well. I also like your 4th sentence about the 'deep doorway'... I instantly could see where she was. Nice writing!!:)
This was different and creative and I loved it. I suspect it could also be the basis for a much longer piece - would love to read it if you ever decide to extend it. Well done.
Good tension, a hard lesson learned.
Good action and suspense! Liked the story!
Val, your writing is incredible! I love this story (and all your others too!) and want to read more of it! What a skill you have!
Another winner, Yegs. Different piece, great tension, fast moving. You definately kept me "in" during the whole thing. While the gaps are great, I think there are a couple of big logic gaps that clouded the story (like "they didn't have insurance?") But still, excellent writing na dway to mkae us work out the lesson learned for ourselves.
Never enough, eh? Home was so different for this poor main character in her earlier years to what Home Block is now ... but she's contented. What a contrast between mother and daughter, former life and current life.

It's a creative take on 'home' with a message that shouts out loud and clear ... be content whatever.

I enjoyed the action and could picture myself right there, thanks to your descriptions.

Well done.
Woooo, what a fast-paced, edge of your seat ride! I think the power of this piece lies in the fact that any of our lives as we know them can be swept out from under us in an instant. Skillfully written!
Top notch...might think about killing an adverb or two, but nothing major. Good work.
It was fascinating.
and definately kept the attention.
But in the end, it was all a bit of a mystery.
Did she work out what Grif was heading towards?
Were they ever really safe?
Ohhhhh.... :P