The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/30/17
Congratulations on your 1st place finish in the Advanced category, Elaine.

Your beginning story fit nicely into your devotional.
This is absolutely brilliant. Your story pulled me in right away. Normally, I'd suggest to not start with passive sentences, but yours is a great example of showing that, if done right, breaking those rules can be effective too. I would urge you to not use so many exclamation points. Save them for dialog and let your words do your exclaiming. Your story was a great prelude to your message. I'm not sure you needed the disclaimer about evolution, but understand why you put it in there. I truly enjoyed both the story and the message. Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 13 overall. Happy Dance!
12/02/17
You did a great job. I absolutely loved this story (and the message) having lived in Africa and knowing first hand what you're talking about!

The devotional fit in perfectly with the story.

Thanks for this - and congratulations on your 1st place win!!