The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
10/12/17
Very descriptive and inspiring story. God is our help in the midst of a storm.
10/13/17
Very heartbreaking story! I hope things get better for this mc.
This is an interesting piece but the time sequences in some places seemed abrupt - moving to the next scene too quickly.

Read it slowly to yourself and see if you can find them.
10/19/17
Congratulations on placing 6th place in the Advanced category, Loni.
This is a powerful story. You gave some great vivid descriptions. They do paint a nice picture, but personally, I'd have liked to know more about the inner despair and turmoil. Just moving the second paragraph up to first would help some, but then I'd love to know more about how her daughter died and have I heard inner conflict described more. You did a wonderful job of bringing the story full-circle and my heart ached for the MC. Congratulations on ranking 6th in your level. Happy Dance!