The Official Writing Challenge
This article has been read 351 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Nice job on this fast-paced story with a great message.
Congratulations on ranking 1st in your level and 12 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.
This is a great story. You do a wonderful job of filling it with suspense. It kept me right on the edge of my seat.

I noticed some minor things that would be easy to fix. First, there are times in the narration where you slip into past tense. It's usually quick and you go back to present soon. I find present tense more difficult to write in, so you really did great.

The dialog didn't feel entirely appropriate. Instead, you may want short choppy sentences to fit the pacing. For example, I might try something like this:

As I do my homework, Dad bursts through the door. "Meg! Hurry! Bad fire is headed right towards the Watters' farm. (Originally I thought Watters was name of town.) Wind's blowing so hard we have maybe an hour. Pray it shifts south. I've gotta get the tractor and go help. You grab some things and meet me there in the pickup. Meg, I'm serious, move fast. No more than ten minutes!"

I hope that shows you kind of what I mean. Also, I like how you show her thoughts too. If you put them in italics, it will emphasize that they are thoughts.

Your ending was great. I like that you didn't pick a happy ending, but instead showed how God helps us through even the worst of times. Congratulations again!