The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/22/17
You did a great job of keeping the suspense active.

I needed a little white space between paragraphs. the old eyes get crossed without it and it took away a little. That is a minor detail, but an easy fix to help old folks like me from eye strain.

A good twist on the topic.

A good hook and beginning and it kept me reading. God bless